Many Doors
All my life I have had options. A privelege, I know, but with my graduation looming, it is hard not to be overwhelmed with the options.
I can still hear my father telling me that I should "keep as many doors open as possible".
Now I find myself walking up to the end of a hallway and there are more doors than I know what to do with:
I think the ship has sailed on grad. school for the moment, and that is good. I have been in an institutional learning environment for 16+ years straight and now that I smell a chance to break free, I AM TAKING IT.
So at this point most people say..."get a job!"
I recognize that $ is required for most things, so most people think it a pretty obvious next step to start making $ in some capacity. Part of me wants to reject this! Part of me wants to say "you can't buy happiness".
I am pretty critical of capitalism these days because of: the consumerism it seems to promote, the monetary fixation, the competition over cooperation, and sepecifically the corporate world, big business, and what it has and continues to do to people and the planet. I don't really want to be a part of that, but I recognize that I am already a consumer, that I have student loans and thus I MUST make $ to pay them off, that I compete and that I pay corporations for goods and services. Maybe part of this recognition that I am already a part of the problem is what really drives me to be a part of the solution.
But how? How do you pay off student loans and generally make decisions that "keep doors open", that provide a path to economic security and possibility, while not being all these things that I hate?
One thing I regularly consider is a job in Outdoor Education. I love spending time in the outdoors and I love interacting with people. I could definitely see myself leading people into the wild to climb or camp or anything really. I see this service as something that would increase people's natural appreciation and I think this appreciation is the key to conservation. I also think time spent in the wilds, away from technology, capitalism and the hustle and bustle of modern life is good for personal development. I have found that popular western ideology is to always be doing something, studying something, meeting people, working towards some professional or social "success". I think the world would be a better place if more people spent more time climbing a rock, paddling down a river, or just admiring nature's beauty. While this isn't "productive" in the capitalist sense, I have found it extremely productive in finding contentment with less.
Then there are more specific "activist" directions I could see myself pursuing. I definitely am interested in trying to work for a group like 350.org, a group that tries to connect people, to build networks, to organize movements. I have always loved team sports, something about the bond you create with people when united in a goal. I see the environmental movement as one of the greatest underdog stories in history and I would love to unite with fellow people in the fight to keep this planet alive: because I love the wild, because I love people, and because I believe a sense of community and belonging are two of the most powerful and sustaining paths to contentment that exist.
But a movement needs people from all walks of life to use their specific sphere's of influence to reach others and make changes using their specific avenues and abilities. I had never considered going to law school until I read Naomi Klein's "Capitalism vs the Climate". In it I learned more about the pervasive neoliberal ideology that preaches deregulation and "free" market as the solution to all problems. When I read about the World Trade Organisation stopping countries from subsidizing local businesses and sustainable initiatives, while allowing huge fossil fuel subsidies to continue, I am sad and angry. I know that one route to attacking this is to take to the streets, but I also think that as one priveleged enough to have had a great education, I wonder if a more impactful use of my skills would be to try and defeat these ideals in court. If we are going to solve these issues we are going to need to come at the problem bottom up, and top down.
One other idea I have been toying with for some time now is that I could go into some type of "green" architecture or sustainable design. I will graduate from Colgate (crossing my fingers) as a physics major, and I think this would be a good way to integrate my passion with my abilities and knowledge, into a career path
....you can see why I am indecisive?
